The Best Book on Dating More After 40

It is not what you say but how you say it. Very true piece of wisdom when it comes to dating older ladies and gents. Singles over 40 and well past 50 can be a tough audience. They are bound to feel they have heard it all before. Whether it is paying a compliment or getting to know the other person on a date, here are some helpful tips to make you a smoother talker.

The Name Game.

Introduce yourself. Sounds simple enough. Often when we meet someone for the first time at a dating event we may feel a bit awkward or nervous and forget this important of bit of information. Don’t rely on the nametag to communicate who you are at this crucial juncture. A simple, “Hi, my name is___” or “You look beautiful tonight. By the way, my name is_____,” is the best icebreaker ever.

Make yourself even more memorable my remembering their name and using it whenever you see them throughout the evening. If you have trouble remembering names, repeat it when you are first introduced, “Hi Jenny, nice to meet you.” This will make sure you have it right and are pronouncing it correctly. Studies show that people enjoy hearing their names spoken. You are flattered that you remembered.

Don’t break the connection.

Encourage an open-to-chat atmosphere by becoming comfortable using a few simple conversational tools. Mimic the posture of the other person. Copying physical behavior puts the other person more at ease and communicates likability. Make eye contact. This is not the time to show off your latest shades or make a study of your shoes. Remember most people believe that the eyes are the windows into the soul. You close that window; they will be less likely to open the door to another date with you.

Eliminate the word “but” from your dating vocabulary.

It translates in our brains as the word “no.” You want the other person to be thinking “yes” about spending time with you. In most instances the word “and” is good a substitute and tends to foster more positive feelings.

Getting to know him/her.

If you are interested in the person, you probably have a thousand questions, which can feel as uncomfortable as a job interview or an interrogation to the other person. Don’t ask yes or no questions. Instead of saying, “Do you like old movies?” Ask an open-ended question like, “What types of old movies do you like to watch?” This invites the person to express a point of view.

Making it personal.

Afraid a question may be too personal, begin it with “I hope you don’t mind me asking…” This gives the other person the opportunity to decline and graciously change the subject. It is also easier to ask personal questions by prefacing them with a few simple phrases. Say, “Just out of curiosity, what attracted you to my profile?”

Did you know?

Instead of sounding like a know-it-all, express your interest by saying, “I don’t know how much you know about (pick a subject) …I’m attracted to it because…” This introduction to the subject matter invites them to join in at their own level of interest and shows you’re interested in their thoughts.

Getting to “like.”

For a conversation starter which subconsciously links the two of you, begin your statement with the words, “If you, like me, enjoy…” You have also included a subliminal trigger as well which plants the idea that “you like me.”

Be genuine. Be passionate. Be real.

If you had a good time – don’t be shy about letting the other person know: “I really enjoyed meeting you and I’d like to see you again.” If not simply say, “I don’t think we have enough in common to pursue this any further. Thanks for meeting me.” This is enough to let the other person know how you feel. Don’t go into detail. Be polite and end the evening.

DATE MORE CHALLENGE: Are there some people you really enjoy talking to more than others? Compare their conversational styles with your own.

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